


come on baby calm me down; (you're the only one who knows how)

by unintentionallyangsty



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Brotzly - Freeform, Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pararibulitis (Dirk Gently), Post-Canon, Sick Character, Sickfic, i guess?, the boys are Gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 18:22:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11492052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unintentionallyangsty/pseuds/unintentionallyangsty
Summary: Dirk falls unexpectedly ill and lands himself in the hospital, leaving Todd badly shaken as he attempts to pick up the pieces of his suddenly drastically rearranged sense of security.(alternatively; Dirk gets sick and Farah is left with the responsibility of babysitting her twoverystubborn companions)





	come on baby calm me down; (you're the only one who knows how)

**Author's Note:**

> can’t stop, won’t stop *confetti emoji*  
> (sorry i never write anything relevant but. y'know. the boys deserve some softness in their life)  
> (title swiped from tfb's _skeleton_ )

Todd awoke, choking on a gasp, his gaze flittering around the darkness of his apartment as he mentally cataloged the familiar surroundings, and willed his pulse to slow to a more reasonable pace. Beside him, his toes hanging off the end of the mattress, Dirk shifted, and Todd tensed in apprehension, watching as the other man snuffled a bit before he buried his face back into the pillow and continued to snore soundly.

Todd released a breath, blinking rapidly and allowing his head to fall back onto his own pillow with a soft thump, his body instinctively curling closer to his companion as he did so.

Nightmares weren’t necessarily uncommon for him, he reminded himself blearily. A couple of times, however, he had awoken loudly and dragged Dirk into wakefulness with him. While it was occasionally nice to be reminded of Dirk’s own affections, Todd found it somewhat difficult to keep from experiencing a nagging sense of guilt when the real reason for the panicked awakening registered on Dirk’s face, and throughout his tender concern afterward. Better, then, that Dirk remain asleep, Todd thought resolutely.

He let his eyes drift closed with a frustrated sigh, and curled his fingers in the fabric of the comforter bunched around them, allowing himself the small comfort of sliding a scant few inches closer to Dirk’s slumbering form. The man really could be like a human furnace sometimes, Todd mused as he burrowed closer and tried to ward off the lasting chill of his dream.

_Incredibly warm…_ Todd paused, furrowing his brow and drawing back minutely to study Dirk’s face, pressed deeply into his pillow and smooth with sleep. The skin there was incredibly flushed, Todd noticed belatedly, the tips of Dirk’s ears and cheekbones a deep and startling red.

Todd extended a hand, hesitating with his fingers just inches above Dirk’s cheek, and drew in a sharp breath at the heat he could feel radiating from the skin, even then.

“Dirk,” he whispered, moving to place the extended hand on Dirk’s shoulder and trying to ignore the sudden panicked racing of his heart.

There was no response, and Todd felt his heart drop nauseatingly when Dirk’s form rolled forward slightly, sickeningly limp beneath Todd’s hand.

“Dirk,” he repeated, more urgently, shaking Dirk’s shoulder with a little more force, “Dirk. _Dirk_!”

Dirk didn’t move, made no reaction to indicate that he had even heard Todd’s cry at all, and Todd gulped a desperate breath as his hands began to shake, the situation fully registering. 

“Dirk,” he whispered, his lip quivering minutely before he lurched across Dirk’s prone form to reach for his cell on the bedside table, one hand already calling for an ambulance while the other remained tangled and trembling in the fabric of Dirk’s sleep shirt.

\---

An hour later found Todd and Farah shivering in the harsh fluorescent light of the nearest emergency room, Dirk laid out on the bed across from them.

“I-I don’t get it,” Farah was saying, though the words weren’t registering in Todd’s mind the way he knew they should be, “I don’t get it. He was _fine_ yesterday morning. Better than fine!”

Todd tore his gaze from the IV still impaled in Dirk’s arm with a tremendous amount of effort, and glanced up to meet Farah’s eyes wearily.

“But it’s--it’s just pneumonia, right?” he inquired haltingly, a note of desperation lacing the question. “That’s what the doctor said. It can’t be that serious.” 

Farah gave him a long look. “He’s been out for the better part of the past hour, Todd,” she pointed out. “He wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t at least a little bit serious.” 

Todd must have appeared crestfallen, for not moments later the hard look on Farah’s face shifted into something much softer and hesitant. 

“Not that it’s too serious to deal with, I mean,” she reassured, her brows furrowing. “He’s-- I’m sure he’s gonna be fine, Todd. He’s gonna be fine.” 

Todd winced but made no effort to reply, and instead turned his gaze back to the figure in the bed across from them.

Dirk had awoken for a brief moment as soon as he’d been placed in his hospital room, his eyes narrowed and flitting across the room before they landed on Todd’s anxious face, at which point he’d smiled blearily before drifting off again.

Todd felt his throat tighten with the memory, and he forced the entire thing to the back of his mind in favor of taking care of things in the present.

“You should go home, Farah,” he murmured, raising his eyebrows and glancing over his shoulder at Farah’s surprised expression. “It’s three o’clock in the morning. You need sleep.” 

“I don’t mind staying,” Farah argued immediately. “He needs someone to be here with him, in case he wakes up.” 

Todd blinked, his own brow furrowing in confusion. “ _I’m_ gonna be staying here with him,” he replied, hoping his tone brooked no room for argument. 

Farah raised a speculative brow. “ _You_ need sleep, Todd,” she admonished. “From the looks of it, this entire thing has taken a toll on you, already. I don’t want you…working yourself up.”

Todd shook his head. “I’m fine.” 

“You of all people shouldn’t be neglecting your basic needs,” Farah insisted. “You know what happens when you’re sleep deprived as well as I do.”

Todd winced, and turned back quickly to study Dirk’s sleeping form.

In truth, the last time he’d been as sleep deprived as he could foresee himself being come morning, the three of them had been handling a case out of town ( _Vancouver_ , Todd reminded himself, the name causing a fine sheen of clammy sweat to break out on his palms). Todd had ended up working himself up to a somewhat severe ( _humiliating_ ) Pararibulitis attack on the hotel room floor, leaving Farah and Dirk to stand by and watch helplessly.

“I have my meds,” Todd replied, crossing his arms with his back still to Farah. “I’ll catch some sleep while Dirk’s sleeping. I’ll be fine.”

“Todd--” Farah began to argue, her resolve very obviously crumbling. 

“Please,” Todd interrupted, turning again to meet Farah’s gaze head on and shoot her a pleading look of his own, “I don’t want to leave him.” 

The words were raw, uncharacteristically desperate, and Todd could see the second Farah made her decision. 

She nodded, biting her lip and taking a step forward to place a warm hand on Todd’s elbow. 

“I’ll be back at 8 with coffee and breakfast.”

“Just coffee’s fine,” Todd argued before he could stop the words from escaping, his stomach twisting into a knot at the thought of food.

“Coffee and breakfast,” Farah repeated, as if she hadn’t been interrupted. 

Todd managed a weak smile. “Thanks, Farah.” 

Farah gave him a small, but genuine, smile in return. 

“Be safe, okay?” she murmured, squeezing Todd’s elbow before drawing away and, with one last glance at where Dirk lay, exited the room entirely.

Todd took a deep, steeling breath, turned, and strode determinedly back to the unforgiving, plastic chair at Dirk’s bedside, letting his gaze rest wearily on Dirk’s restful face for a long moment before nearly collapsing into the chair with a low exhale.

He hesitated before extending a hand (firmly ignoring the shaking of the limb) and letting it rest on the center of Dirk’s chest, closing his eyes and allowing himself to draw comfort from the steady rise and fall beneath his hand. 

Dirk shifted slightly, beneath his touch, and Todd’s eyes snapped open to land eagerly on Dirk’s face, praying for some kind (any kind) of change. His eyes, however, remained resolutely shut, and Todd, after letting his gaze remain firmly in place for another long, hopeful moment, released a discouraged exhale and fell back against the back of the chair, willing his eyes to remain open and alert.

Which was exactly how multiple night shift nurses, two doctors, and Farah, coffee in hand at exactly 8 o’clock the next morning, found the two of them; Dirk still sleeping soundly with Todd at his side, his eyes wide and red rimmed, and one hand still firmly clutching the sheets at Dirk’s hip.

\---

“Todd--”

“Save it, Farah.” 

Farah groaned in exasperation, far past caring how insensitive she sounded. Not that the situation at hand didn’t call for a good deal of sensitivity, but a certain Todd Brotzman was trying his damnedest to try and eliminate the last clinging dregs of what was left of her patience.

“It’s been over 8 hours, Todd,” she cried, hoping her tone sounded much more reasonable than it did frustrated. “You’re not doing either of you any good by being stubborn.”

“That’s why I need to stay here,” Todd snapped back, shooting Farah a dark look over his shoulder from where he remained, firmly, in that _damn_ chair next to Dirk’s bed. “It’s been over 8 hours and there’s been no change. I _need_ to be here.”

“You’re exhausted,” Farah pointed out, restraining herself ( _barely_ ) from striding across the room and shaking Todd by the shoulders to reaffirm her point when it seemed as though she wasn’t going to receive a reply. Todd wasn’t a child, she reminded herself, closing her eyes briefly and inhaling through her nose, however much he seemed determined to continue to act like one. 

“Exhausting yourself isn’t going to do Dirk any good,” she continued, shrugging.

“Me leaving and not being here if…” Todd paused and swallowed audibly, his shoulders tensing visibly beneath his bagging hoodie, “ _when_ he wakes up isn’t going to help him, either.”

“He’s not going to be alone!” Farah cried, finally allowing herself to cross the divide, rounding Todd’s chair and facing him head on for the first time in what could have been hours. “I’ll make sure I’m here.”

Todd glanced up to meet her gaze, the bruises beneath his eyes stark in the hospital lighting, and furrowed his brow in the way he did when he was attempting to plead without words. Farah had seen him turn the particular expression on Dirk only a handful of times, though had never been on the receiving end of it herself, and found herself a little perplexed as to how she should react.

“I want to be here if he wakes up,” Todd murmured, his shoulder slumping a little in what Farah could only assume might be exhaustion. “Farah…”

Farah hesitated, biting her lip and surveying the scene before her skeptically. Truthfully, were the circumstances any different, she wouldn’t have hesitated in allowing Todd to do what he wanted, health be damned, and look after Dirk. However, she couldn’t help but think back on how shaken Dirk had seemed after they had witnessed Todd’s attack months before.

Todd, quite obviously embarrassed, had disappeared for a long while after having fully recovered himself, citing the need to “clear his head” and “get some air”, leaving Farah and Dirk alone in the hotel room to process the series of events together. Dirk, Farah reflected with an internal wince, had taken nearly an hour to calm down, and even longer to convince to remain in the hotel room, rather than sprint out after Todd immediately.

He would more likely than not be devastated, now, if he were to find out that Todd had experienced a repeat incident all on account of his single minded, bullheaded concern for Dirk.

The thought firmly in mind, Farah shook her head. “No, Todd,” she spoke up, firmly, ignoring Todd opening his mouth indignantly and pressing on, “you’re helping nothing by exhausting yourself. Go home, please.”

A wide array of emotions flickered over Todd’s face; disbelief, indignance, and, finally, no small degree of righteous fury. 

“Farah--” he began, his voice rising in pitch (Farah didn’t think he noticed, nor particularly cared, in that moment), and him rising from his seat with it.

“Todd,” she interrupted, smoothly, “go home. I’ll look after Dirk.” 

“I’m not gonna leave him!” Todd cried, his voice rising somewhere close to a shout. 

“Todd,” Farah cut in with a pointed whisper, “you need--”

“I’m. _Fine_ ,” Todd growled out, his brows hanging low and furious over his eyes. “If you--”

“I could do without all the shouting, thanks.”

Both Farah and Todd froze in their movements, eyes wide and somewhat alarmed, before both sets of eyes turned toward the occupant of the bed between them who lay, head deeply cushioned by at least three pillows, studying the both of them with narrowed eyes. 

“Dirk,” Todd murmured, before Farah had a chance to react, and shot down so that he was sat in the chair at the bedside again, “how are you feeling?”

“Cold,” Dirk answered immediately, making a somewhat disgusted face, “and thirsty.”

“I can fix one of those,” Todd replied, breathing out a humorless chuckle and reaching, without looking away from Dirk, for the paper water cup that sat on the bedside table. “Here. How’s that?”

Dirk sipped gratefully from the straw, and looked forlorn when Todd drew the cup away moments later.

“Not too much,” Todd warned, “I don’t know how much you should be having.” 

Reminded, somewhat belatedly, that they should probably inform someone of the change, Farah strode toward the door and alerted a passing nurse, biting at her thumbnail anxiously when they disappeared down the corridor in search of a doctor. 

“Thanks, Farah,” Todd called, shooting her a brief, grateful smile over his shoulder.

Farah returned the smile weakly as she strode back across the room, though Todd had already turned eagerly back to face Dirk again. 

“You could help with both, you know,” Dirk was saying, and Farah could practically _hear_ the pout in his tone. 

“What?” Todd replied, and Farah could see that the furrow to his brow had returned as she rounded the end of the bed. 

“Before, when you said you could only help with one of my problems,” Dirk explained. “I’m not thirsty, anymore, but I’m still pretty cold.” He glanced pointedly down at the (small, but probably large enough to fit someone like Todd) vacant space beside him on the bed.

Todd blushed (quite spectacularly, Farah noted with some amusement), and shifted his gaze away uncomfortably before answering, “I don’t think now’s really the time, Dirk.” 

“Bullshit,” Dirk replied immediately, a teasing smile quirking his lips before he sobered and gave Todd a long, considering look. “You look exhausted.”

Todd flushed further, and stood suddenly to retrieve the extra blanket hanging off the bottom of Dirk’s bed. “I’m fine.”

Dirk turned, for the first time, to meet Farah’s gaze, a growing suspicion mingled with concern in his eyes.

Farah rolled her eyes, but neglected to comment.

“You’re not,” Dirk argued weakly, though his eyes were already drooping almost comically, watching as Todd began to tuck him firmly underneath the extra blanket. “You’ve got spectacular bags underneath your eyes.”

“I always have those,” Todd commented offhandedly. 

Farah rolled her eyes again for good measure. “I’ve been trying to convince him to go back home and sleep,” she added, ignoring the glare Todd shot her. “He hasn’t listened.”

“Shockingly,” Dirk replied, smiling bemusedly, though his exhaustion was apparent in the gesture. “You really should get some sleep, though,” Dirk pointed out, turning back to peg Todd with what Farah assumed he thought was a stern glare.

“I don’t need sleep,” Todd argued, giving Dirk a wan smile and sinking back down into the plastic chair when he seemed satisfied with his work.

“I hate to inform you, Todd,” Dirk began, “but I’ve seen you without sleep. I think we can all agree,” (here, he shot Farah a somewhat dry look) “that you need sleep just as much as--” (a yawn) “--as much as any of us.”

Todd gave Dirk a long, sympathetic look. “It looks like you’re the one who needs sleep.”

“You should probably wait until the doctor gets here, though,” Farah added hastily, feeling a little better about the entire thing when Todd nodded in agreement and shot her a grateful look.

“I’ll stay awake for the doctor,” Dirk agreed, “if Todd gets some sleep.”

Todd looked affronted, and Farah tried to hide a smile. 

“Dirk,” Todd argued, jutting out his chin stubbornly, though the attempt was half-hearted, even to Farah’s eyes, “I’m completely--”

“Please, Todd,” Dirk interrupted, though the effect of the plea was somewhat diminished, as it was interrupted halfway by another prolonged yawn. 

It remained effective, however. As soon as the words left his mouth, Todd’s expression shifted from steely resolution to one of soft pity. 

“I--” He heaved a weary breath, rubbed his hands over his face, and murmured, so low Farah had to strain to make the words out. “I don’t want you to be alone.” 

“Oh I won’t!” Dirk cried, before Farah could even open her mouth to argue. “Farah will be here!”

Todd hesitated another long moment, eyeing Dirk speculatively. “If you’re sure about this…”

The words, however, were interrupted by a long, dramatic yawn of Todd’s own. 

“Absolutely,” Dirk agreed, shooting first Farah, then Todd, a weary, but genuine, smile. “It’ll be fine. More than fine.” 

Todd hesitated again, before nodding slowly. 

Farah breathed out a sigh of relief, and watched, a little embarrassed (as if she were viewing something that was meant to be kept intensely private) as Todd swooped forward and pressed a long kiss to Dirk’s forehead, his hand tangling in Dirk’s hair and his eyes screwing shut with the force of it. 

“I’m gonna-- I’ll go check on where the doctor is,” Farah murmured, striding quickly back to the door and firmly ignoring the tears that may or may not have been glistening at the edges of Todd’s red-rimmed eyes as she did so.

\---

Nearly another 8 hours later, Dirk’s fever broke. 

Farah, just barely refraining from embracing the doctor in her elation, opted instead to sink into the now unoccupied plastic chair in the room, and slump over the patient’s bedside with the force of her relief, head buried momentarily in her hands. She nearly laughed outright when, not moments later, she felt Dirk’s hand tentatively brush at her shoulder in an effort at some kind of comfort. 

“Alright?” Dirk inquired weakly, his voice hoarse but his smile genuine. 

Farah returned the smile brightly. “Fantastic,” she replied. “I-- We were really worried about you, Dirk.”

Dirk’s face brightened, his expression shifting into a luminous grin, before he schooled his features into something a little more neutral and waved a hand dismissively. 

“Unnecessary, I’m sure,” he muttered. “There wasn’t anything to be worried about.”

“Pneumonia is kind of something to be worried about, Dirk,” Farah pointed out, though she couldn’t really find it within herself to be stern with the words.

“If I remember correctly, the doctor stated that the case wasn’t nearly as severe as they’d originally assumed. There’s really no need to keep me another night. A lot of fuss,” Dirk rambled, shooting Farah a long and groggy look before it shifted into something a little more confused. “Where’s Todd?” he questioned, hesitantly.

Farah winced. “I-- We sent him home, remember? He needed sleep.” She hoped that her tone was firm enough to outweigh the doubt she could feel tightening her throat. 

Dirk blinked doubtfully. “Did he get any?”

Farah shrugged. “Knowing Todd? It’s questionable. He left almost 8 hours ago, though,” she shrugged.

“Probably not, then,” Dirk agreed with a short nod. “Farah…”

“Hm?” Farah replied drowsily, feeling a bit of her own exhaustion begin to kick in, following the initial rush of adrenaline she’d received when Dirk had awoken, blearily but bright eyed for the first time that day.

“Will you go check on him for me?”

Farah blinked. “Check on Todd?” 

“Well, he’s certainly not going to do it himself,” Dirk commented drily, giving Farah a small smirk. “I hardly trust him to take care of himself at all, if I’m not there.” 

Farah snorted before she could stop the reaction. “This coming from you.” 

“True,” Dirk assented without missing a beat, sharing a small, private laugh with Farah before sobering quickly. “It’s just…”

“I’ll check on him,” Farah declared, before Dirk had the chance to work himself up (still a likely possibility, if she was being honest). “He hasn’t answered any of my calls, anyway. But I don’t think he’s going to like me leaving you here very much.”

Dirk shrugged. “He’s going to have to!” he replied simply.

Farah smirked, and stood from her seat. “You take care of yourself, alright? I shouldn’t be long.”

“I’ll probably be napping, if I’m honest,” Dirk replied airily, shifting and grunting a little bit until he was comfortably propped up against the pillows behind him.

“Good,” Farah nodded quickly, though Dirk’s eyes had already slipped shut. “That’s good. You do that. I’ll be back.”

“Bye, Farah,” Dirk called drowsily, when she’d begun to back toward the door.

Farah hesitated in the doorway another moment, watching and waiting until she could see the steady rise and fall of Dirk’s chest before she exited entirely.

\---

“Todd?” Farah called, pounding on Todd’s apartment door for what must have been the sixth time, this time with the heel of her palm, her heart beginning to race at the lack of response. “Todd, I’m coming in.” 

Before she could make a rash decision and barrel through the doorway, probably breaking the hinges of Todd’s door (and therefore another item in his apartment he couldn’t afford to repair), Farah reached for the doorknob instead, and heaved a sigh of relief when she found it to be unlocked.

“Todd?” she called, opening the door a crack and glancing cautiously around before letting herself into the room. 

It didn’t look like anyone was home, though that didn’t necessarily mean much, coming from Todd. Farah could probably count on two hands the amount of times she had entered Todd’s apartment, thinking the space to be empty, only to find Todd (or Dirk. Or both.) curled in the corner of the bed or on the couch, hidden by a pile of blankets and pillows.

A quick glance at both the bed and the sofa revealed that this wasn’t the case, this time around, and the bathroom proved to be empty, as well.

Farah paused, placing her hands on her hips and surveying the empty room, unsure whether she should feel relieved or more concerned than she already was.

A soft sound interrupted her reverie, and she turned toward the the kitchen, craning her neck in order to see over the counter and discover the source of the noise.

“Todd!” she yelped, before she could stop the reaction, rushing forward to round the counter before stopping, barely a foot away from where Todd was sat, knees drawn almost to his chest on the kitchen floor.

“Farah!” he cried, after a beat (a beat too long, Farah privately thought), startling badly and clamoring to his feet. “What’s-- What are you--”

“I came to check on you,” Farah answered smoothly, ignoring the few extra furrows appearing on Todd’s forehead at the words. “What are you doing?” She glanced around the kitchen, her eyes resting, for a moment, on what looked like a half-hearted attempt at… _some_ kind of meal left on the counter. “Have you slept at all?”

Todd blinked. “How’s Dirk?”

Farah sighed, not unused to Todd’s characteristic avoidance of the topic, but no less frustrated than she normally was with the behavior, all the same. 

“Sleeping,” she provided, for lack of anything better to offer. “Sick of being there, to be honest. His fever’s broken, but you heard the doctor. They’re keeping him another night, just to play it safe.”

Todd nodded slowly, his gaze trained somewhere to the left of Farah’s head, rather than on Farah herself. 

Farah frowned. “Todd,” she began, reluctant to broach an already sore subject, but resolute, all the same, “have you slept?”

“I…” Todd trailed off, his gaze flitting briefly to meet Farah’s before he strode forward to move around her, pausing to face the abandoned mess of ingredients on the countertop, “I should go back,” he muttered.

“What? Todd, he’s sleeping.”

“He’s there alone!” Todd snapped back, something other than the chilling distance that had been occupying his tone since the beginning of the conversation finally creeping in, to Farah’s immense relief. “I can’t risk him waking up without someone being there.” 

“Why?” Farah shot back, blatantly. “Todd, you look like you’ve been awake this entire time. Dirk would want you to get some sleep.”

“It’s not a problem,” Todd was saying, his hands (shaking violently, Farah noticed with some dismay) flittering over the mess on the counter, brushing the occasional item before he discarded it with a sound of distaste.

Farah took a tentative step forward, willing her own breaths to even out in order to deal with the situation at hand with as much composure as she could muster.

“Todd--”

“I can’t, okay?!” Todd shouted, the sound so loud and sudden in the quiet of the room that Farah blinked in shock.

For a long moment the only sounds in the kitchen were Todd’s sharp, uneven breaths, echoing off the walls, before he inhaled shakily and turned to face Farah with a sort of pleading expression on his face.

“I’ve tried, Farah,” he nearly whispered, the words sounding strained, as if he had to work himself up to the admission. “I can’t sleep. I keep seeing-- He’s still _there_ , even now, and he’s alone and I’m--” Todd reached up to run one shaking hand over his face, “I need to be there for him.” 

“Dirk sent me to look after you, Todd,” Farah offered, after a beat, raising her hands slowly and placatingly. “He just wants you safe.”

“He’s--” Todd blew out a frustrated breath and raked his fingers through his hair. “He’s always like that. He’d put other people’s needs before his own, no matter what.” 

“ _Maybe_ ,” Farah began, sidestepping forward hastily to block Todd’s path out the front door, “in this case, he has a point. You can’t just...”

She trailed off as Todd, attempting to maneuver around her, jostled the items on the counter with his elbow, and knocked a few to the floor - the most notable being a bottle of pills, rattling loudly in their descent and hitting the kitchen floor with a jarring clatter.

Farah blinked, her brow furrowing as she surveyed the mess before her, before she slowly raised her eyes, and met Todd’s incredibly shifty gaze. 

“Todd,” she began, forcing her tone to remain cool and conversational, “did you-- Is this--”

“This isn’t--” Todd cleared his throat (the sound more like a whimper than anything), his eyes skittering nervously between the pill bottle and Farah herself. “I know this looks like--”

“You had an attack,” Farah interrupted, her tone brooking no room for argument. 

Todd winced - flinched, really - and looked like he wanted nothing more in that moment than to sink back to his previous position on the kitchen floor.

Farah blinked again, the realization catching up with her so suddenly that she nearly reeled back with the force of it. “You _just_ had an attack,” she amended, gesturing vaguely to the spot on the floor where she’d found Todd originally, the words more a statement than they were a question. 

Todd opted not to reply, instead continuing to stare at her with that wide, questioning gaze that had her stomach twisting into knots as she watched his chin quiver almost imperceptibly. 

“Are you okay?” Farah asked, reminding herself to keep her tone low and questioning, rather than let it rise along with the panic she could feel bubbling within her chest. She’d dealt with this before, she reminded herself firmly. This wasn’t completely uncharted territory.

“I…” Todd faltered, his tone quavering unconvincingly, “I don’t…really know.” 

“Okay,” Farah replied immediately, thankful that, for this moment at least, Todd wasn’t continuing to try and convince her that he was completely fine. “Okay. That’s okay. Do you, um-- Do you need to sit down?” 

This time, she received her answer almost at once. Todd nodded his head fervently, and swallowed thickly.

“Okay,” Farah repeated, for lack of anything better to say, and glanced briefly at the sofa in the other room. “Let’s just get you to-- or?” she trailed off, watching with a furrowed brow as Todd sunk back down to the floor directly where he stood, leaning back against the cabinets behind him as if they were the only thing keeping him even somewhat upright.

“O-okay,” Farah stuttered, forcing what she hoped was a comforting smile before kneeling to perch on the floor across from Todd, “here’s good, too.” 

Todd watched her another long, contemplative moment, before letting his eyes slide closed and leaning his head back to rest against the cabinets for a moment. “I need to go back,” he murmured, before Farah could even begin to think of anything to say, opening his eyes again and jutting his chin out resolutely in the way he did when he expected to receive no argument, however ridiculous his claim.

Farah grimaced. “Todd,” she warned, “you’re exhausted. I can’t-- _We_ can’t risk you potentially having another flare-up. Especially in the hospital.”

Todd rolled his eyes minutely, but neglected to comment, otherwise, something Farah decided to take as a good sign. 

“Dirk _wants_ you to be okay,” she continued, when it seemed that the silence was going to continue to stretch on. “He’s going to be back tomorrow, Todd. How do you think he’s going to feel if you’re too exhausted to greet him or-- or take care of him? How do you think it will make him feel if you’re just as ill as he is? He _needs_ you to be well.”

“He needs me there with him,” Todd argued, though the words lacked any real heat, exhaustion ringing clear through his tone. 

“Maybe,” Farah conceded, pursing her lips with a shrug. “He might want that, but what he’ll _have_ is me. What he _needs_ is you, here, waiting for him to come home.”

Todd frowned and lowered his gaze to the floor. “But if he--”

“Remember that night, Todd? In Vancouver?” Farah interrupted, trying to ignore the nagging sense of guilt she could feel at the back of her mind for bringing the incident up at all, and well aware that she was playing her final card here. 

Todd didn’t reply, but his furrowed brow spoke for him, so Farah continued, “Dirk was _devastated_ , when you left. It took me almost as long as you were gone to calm him down.” 

Todd inhaled a sharp breath and his gaze snapped up to meet hers, behind it a mixture of regret and disbelief.

Farah drew in a steadying breath of her own. “Think of what seeing you like that would do to him, now. Do you really want to put him through that?”

There was a long silence as the words hung heavily between them, before Todd bit his lip, sharply, attempting to rein in a wide array of emotions. 

Farah glanced away politely, her heart hammering in her throat. She gave Todd another long, silent moment, before she opened her mouth to…to do _something_. As if she hadn’t just used her last resort for persuasion. 

“Okay,” Todd spoke, before she could get a word out, his voice small and defeated. 

Farah turned her gaze back to meet his, her eyes widening in disbelief. “I-- What?” 

“Okay,” Todd repeated, though he looked even unhappier about it, if Farah was being honest. “You’re right. I’m--” He cleared his throat, sniffling a little suspiciously and rubbing both hands across his face before continuing, “I can’t do anything for him, right now.” 

“I’ll bring him back,” Farah insisted with an eager nod, afraid that if she didn’t speak quickly, Todd would change his mind and bolt out the door before she could stop him. (She tensed at the thought anyway, all too aware that it might still be a possibility.)

“Thank you,” Todd muttered, tone heavy with relief, his eyes drifting away to vacantly study an empty space on the floor again. 

Farah hesitated, biting her lip, and before she could change her mind, moved forward (not missing the way Todd flinched at the movement) and extended a hand to rest, first on Todd’s shoulder, trembling almost visibly beneath her fingers, then to cup the back of his head. 

The strands of hair were soft between her fingers, and Todd’s lower lip trembled at the contact. 

“Get. Some. Sleep,” she murmured, the command sounding quite a bit more like a plea than she cared to consider. “Please.”

Todd blinked rapidly, his eyes wider than Farah remember ever having seen them, and he nodded earnestly. “Okay.”

Farah smiled, small and soft, before standing swiftly and marching back toward the door, ignoring Todd’s wide-eyed, stunned gaze following her the entire way. 

“I’ll bring him back tomorrow morning!” she called over her shoulder, pausing with her hand on the doorknob and adding, “Turn your phone on, please!”

“Okay,” Todd agreed, then scrambled to his feet. “Farah!” 

Farah hummed a reply, and turned to meet Todd’s eyes.

“I--” He smiled softly, though it came off as more of a grimace than anything (Farah considered it a victory, either way). “Thank you.”

Farah returned the smile, nodding once, and turned back to exit the apartment. 

\---

“I don’t see what the fuss is about,” Dirk complained, allowing Farah to continue to hang onto his arm anyway as she reached forward to open the door to Todd’s apartment. “You could have left me at the curb, honestly.”

“And risk you losing your way on the way up to your apartment?” Farah quirked a brow. “Not likely.” 

Dirk tried not to flush. “It’s not quite my apartment, technically,” he defended, though the words sounded somewhat lame, even to his own ears. “We--”

“Dirk,” Farah interrupted with a stern look, hushing all future arguments he could have even imagined crafting. 

“Right,” Dirk replied, glancing away and focusing his attention on entering Todd’s apartment, rather than meeting Farah’s speculative gaze head on.

The apartment was relatively quiet, when they entered. Dirk tried not to feel disappointed by the lack of Todd immediately appearing, and instead turned to give Farah a weary smile. “Thank you for delivering me,” he said. “You should probably be heading back to yours, now. I think I can handle things from here.”

Farah, however, was busy preoccupying herself with casting her gaze suspiciously around the apartment. “I’m not going to leave you…” she muttered distractedly, furrowing her brow and glancing at the (empty) bathroom, “if you’re going to be here alone…” 

“Pish posh,” Dirk replied, smiling coyly at Farah’s irritated eyeroll, “I’m sure I’ll be fine. Todd is probably just down at the shops picking something up, or--”

“Dirk?” 

Dirk and Farah turned, simultaneously, to face the source of the noise, eyes wide and curious. 

Moments later, Todd emerged from the pile of blankets heaped on top of his bed, his hair disheveled but his gaze wide and aware. 

Dirk found himself grinning brightly before he could stop the reaction, suddenly feeling much less exhausted and a good deal lighter than he had in _days_. 

“Hello, Todd,” he murmured.

Todd blinked, as if stunned, before lurching out of bed, and before Dirk could entirely process the movement, he was across the room and throwing his arms firmly around Dirk’s shoulders, burying his head into Dirk’s chest and emitting something suspiciously close to a keening sound. 

“God,” Todd whispered, burrowing impossibly closer and hooking one arm up so that he could tangle his fingers tightly in the hair at the back of Dirk’s head. “ _God_. I’m glad you’re okay.”

Dirk hesitated another soft moment, before moving to wrap his own arms tentatively around Todd’s shoulders, tightening his hold hastily when Todd seemed to almost wilt with relief at the prolonged contact.

They stood there another long moment, each breathing in the other’s breath and melting into each other. The sound of Farah clearing her throat, however, made them skitter apart not moments later, her bemused smile coming as something of a relief, when they both turned to face it.

“I’ll be going, then,” she commented, drily, her dimpling cheeks belying her tone. “It looks like the both of you are in pretty capable hands.” 

Dirk nodded eagerly (though he felt a bit guilty about his eagerness to have Todd entirely to himself), and Todd murmured, “Thanks, Farah.” 

Farah gave him a long, searching look (something Dirk filed away for later questioning). "Let's just-- make this a one time thing, alright?" She murmured, pegging them both with a stern look before she flashed a small, satisfied grin at their synchronized nodding and turned back to the door. She reached out to give Dirk’s elbow one last squeeze, before turning the knob and disappearing, the front door closing behind her with a decided _click_.

Dirk paused, before turning back to Todd, noting with some relief that the other man seemed to be experiencing a sudden hesitance similar to his own. 

“So…” Dirk began, glancing around the apartment for lack of anything better to do, “do you…” 

“You’re probably tired,” Todd interrupted, to Dirk’s immense relief. “Do you want like? A nap?” 

“A nap would be lovely, actually,” Dirk replied immediately, casting a wistful gaze toward the bed. “Especially somewhere much more…familiar. Will you be staying?” he tacked on, casting a hopeful (and somewhat pleading) gaze in Todd’s direction. 

Todd nodded without missing a beat. “I’m not going anywhere,” he reassured, giving Dirk a wan smile before wandering back toward the bed, reaching out to make a half-hearted attempt at rearranging the bedding into some semblance of order.

Dirk began to smile back, before he felt a familiar sinking feeling begin to tug at his gut, tugging his mouth down into a frown along with it - feeling that something was, somehow, inherently wrong with the situation. Almost as if…

“Todd?” he hazarded, moving forward when Todd gestured at the bed and crawling up onto the mattress (something he hadn’t become comfortable with doing up until very recently) whilst simultaneously beginning to unzip his hoodie. “Are _you_ alright?”

Todd, previously busying himself with tucking the edges of the comforter (one of the heavy ones, Dirk’s personal favorite) into the mattress, slowed his movements, though he kept his gaze firmly trained on the task before him.

“You should really get some sleep,” he replied, after a long moment (too long a hesitation to be considered quite casual).

“Well,” Dirk replied coyly, leaning back against the wall and curling his arms around his knees, “I’m hardly going to be able to get any sleep without you here, am I?” He nodded down to the vacant spot beside him, trying not to grin with glee when Todd seemed to brighten slightly at the prospect. 

“Wha-- Oh, right,” Todd hesitated, before clambering onto the mattress himself (hissing as he slammed his shin into the metal frame, as he did nearly twice a week) until he was sat less than a foot away from Dirk; still too far away for Dirk’s liking. 

“Todd,” Dirk began, shooting his smaller companion a wry look and shifting until he was comfortably laid out on his back, his head propped up against the warm (squished, _familiar_ ) pillows behind him, “you can come a little closer, if you’d like.”

Todd froze, his face scrunching up into a mixture of confusion and agitation, before he seemed to spring into action. He moved forward so that he was lying stiffly on his side across from Dirk, hesitating only a moment before extending a hand and clasping Dirk’s tightly in his own. 

Dirk bit back a grin and shuffled minutely closer, his forehead scant inches from Todd’s own, the feather soft curls which lay just above the worry lines on Todd’s brow tickling his skin pleasantly.

He would have been perfectly contented to fall asleep right there and then, just like that, if not for the nagging sense of doubt he felt incessantly pricking at the edge of his conscious, keeping him from becoming too comfortable, just yet.

Sometimes, he thought moodily, the Universe could be incredibly insensitive.

“Todd?” he murmured, hesitantly, letting his eyes flutter open again, slightly surprised to find that Todd’s own eyes had remained open and trained unwaveringly on his face. Dirk tried to tamp down the warmth he could feel blossoming rapidly within his chest at the thought.

“You’re alright, though, aren’t you?” he inquired, haltingly, not wanting to completely spoil the quiet comfort they’d settled into.

Todd’s shoulders tensed, the movement so subtle that Dirk doubted he would have noticed it, had they not been lying so close, the furrows between his brows deepening until his face was scrunched up into the thoughtful expression he sometimes got when he was contemplating whether or not to be completely honest in the moment at hand. (What the verdict was, Dirk could almost never tell. He did, however, pride himself on his ability to read the meaning and emotions behind each of Todd’s different facial scrunches.)

“I’m not…” Todd paused and swallowed with a grimace, “I’m not really sure, right now.” He hesitated, glancing down and looking a little perplexed at his own, blatant honesty, before he raised his eyes to meet Dirk’s troubled expression with a small (miniscule, really) but genuine smile. “Better now, though.” 

Dirk didn’t reply immediately, and instead bit his lip in thought, at war with himself over whether or not he should press the subject, ensure (to himself, mostly) that Todd was genuinely okay, or simply take Todd at his word and broach the topic again at a later date. One glance at Todd’s drooping eyelids, and the dark (darker than usual) smudges staining the skin beneath, was enough to make Dirk’s mind up for him. 

Something at the edge of his consciousness flickered, and Dirk suddenly found himself completely sure of what his next step should be. He shifted, wordlessly, so that he was leaning more comfortably, almost completely horizontal, against the pillows behind, ignoring Todd’s bewildered expression following his movements in favor of lifting one arm, and glancing pointedly down at the now empty space between it and himself.

Todd hesitated, his breath catching noticeably, and glanced nervously between the space and Dirk’s face before he inhaled sharply and lurched forward, almost clumsily, his arms looping tightly around Dirk’s waist and his head landing on Dirk’s shoulder with a soft _thud_.

“Is this okay?” he murmured, not a moment later, his voice muffled by Dirk’s shoulder before he turned to prop his chin on the same spot, meeting Dirk’s gaze questioningly. “Like, does this hurt or anything?”

“I’m not going to break, Todd!” Dirk scoffed, more comfortable than he had been in over 24 hours, his face splitting into an easy grin. “This is better than okay.”

Todd huffed a small, contented smile back, before he hummed and let his head droop back to rest comfortably against Dirk’s chest.

Dirk snuggled happily closer, shifting so that his cheek was pressed warmly up against the soft hair at the crown of Todd’s head.

“You will be, though, right?” he murmured, lowly, before he succumbed to the slumber nagging at his senses, and therefore lose his opportunity for good.

“Nn,” Todd grunted, shifting slightly, though he didn’t change position, and his eyes remained closed, “what?”

“You’ll be alright?” Dirk prodded, insistent.

Todd’s eyes did crack open then, and he raised them to meet Dirk’s, though his cheek remained pressed comfortably against Dirk’s chest.

(Dirk breathed a prayer of thanks for the small gesture.)

“Yeah,” Todd replied, quirking his lips upward into a small smile, “I will if you will.” 

Dirk felt another grin tugging at his features, and this time did little to stop it, despite the drooping of his own eyes. “I will.” 

Todd seemed satisfied with the answer, his cheeks flushing a delightful pink as he closed his eyes contentedly again, snuggling minutely closer, a warm and pleasant reminder at Dirk’s side. 

Before he could rethink the action, Dirk extended a hand to hover just over the warmth of Todd’s cheekbone and paused, swallowing back the doubt he could feel beginning to tighten his throat, before he closed the gap and allowed himself to run his thumb lightly along the blush on the skin there, and the smattering of sun-kissed freckles underneath. 

Todd’s eyes remained closed, though his cheeks dimpled, slightly, and Dirk felt his own grin widen impossibly at the sight. He allowed himself a moment more to fondly watch the rare expression of absolute peace smoothing Todd’s features, before he exhaled wearily and let his own eyes slip closed, satisfied that, for now, things were completely okay.

**Author's Note:**

> caffeine, _kenny g's greatest hits_ , and no small amount of alcohol helped me power through this fic, i'm not even gonna lie right now
> 
> a Huge thank you to be friends [Nat](http://corgiekitten.tumblr.com) and [Katie](http://221bees.tumblr.com) who helped me with beta-ing this piece!! you’d think i’d have more luck with the english language, given that it’s my first (and only) but nooo
> 
> as always you can find me over on tumblr at [elijahwoodnot](http://elijahwoodnot.tumblr.com), where i’m always excited to chat and get requests! (though i’ll procrastinate the hell out of filling them, it seems)
> 
> thanks so so much for reading!! ily all ❤️❤️❤️


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